
(G & K in Hawaii @kianagrantphotography)
Over the years I’ve had dreams. Some the waking kind, a lingering fancy that can’t be shaken. Others have been the dreams of sleep. Fewer in number, but deeper in meaning. It’s occurred to me lately, these dreams tell a story.
Two nights past I didn’t sleep. Allergies or insomnia, or a head-cold being passed around this family. I wasn’t troubled. Not worried or stressed, in fact quite the contrary. I was content as baby, just fighting sleep. (I’m not really sure as I write it now, that last sentence makes any sense. Thinking of my grand-on-the-way and the discontent sure to keep new parents up for the night.) But alas. This was me. Tossing and turning and trying not to wake my snoring husband, who also wasn’t the cause of my lack of rest.
So I thought about dreams. All night it seemed. Remembering this one and that, savoring the wonder of how they come true. Like a story I’m living, but haven’t written. Every one a dream of God. His. In me. I know this now, because of how they’re transpiring. Better than mine, His dreams taking shape.
I want to go to seminary, write books, and enjoy my grandchildren. That was a nighttime dream. Sound asleep, He asked me the question. “What do you want?” And I answered. Three times, like Peter, if I can use the example. No hesitation, clear in the morning, and I remember it still. Profound in its impact, because I believed it. He gave it – this dream.
It was late summer of 2012. Nearly six years now. I’d been in a season of prayer and learning. All of my writing. The Covenant Story and Life in His Name. I was going back to school. Bethel Sem. This dream, not new, but coming true. I’d be there with Grant, mother and son, paths crossing on our dear old campus. I want to go to seminary. The first time I’d uttered this dream, the boy was a toddler. Years of waiting, now finally happening. I want to write books. Already written. Those stories I’m still pursuing today.
So there I was, not sleeping, remembering dreams, and how He answers. How years before Bethel, He’d already done it. I’m in God’s seminary, and He’s my teacher. A half-dozen years or more, and now I can say this. HIS years of learning were a million times sweeter than any classroom, and that’s not to say I’m not truly grateful for my time of schooling. It’s just that His dream was better. His dream came true.
Every dream He’s ever given has been that way. I remembered as I lay there and I laughed in the dark. How as a senior in high school I’d answered a question about dreams for the future, and I’d said it like this. An amazing husband. A happy family. And I’d like to direct a choir of boys. What?!! I’m totally serious. A dream of a BOYS CHOIR, called the “Agape Singers.” (How 80’s is that?) And not for the first time I think about my boys who are singers, and the dreams He has given, and ONLY HE can do something like that!
As for the amazing husband, let me pause for a moment to linger on this. Snoring aside. Better than amazing, the man is my soul-mate. A term sometimes scorned, but it’s the best way to explain it – to say we are ONE. It’s what I was thinking just hours before, as we sat side-by-side on the shore of Green Lake, basking in sun and a dream coming true. Both of us speechless in light of His giving, two hearts united, and He knows our desires. He doesn’t withhold them. A houseful of boys and all kinds of crazy, years of not knowing if we’re coming or going. Placing family on His altar, and trusting. Believing. And now. Sitting here awestruck, listening to quiet. Surrounded by beauty. White pines, and Aspen, Bald Eagle flying over our heads. We can hardly breath as we pray and we ask it. Can this be from YOU? Your dream, too?
Because let me honest. We’d have dreamed it different. Two years ago, or three. We’d dreamed of escape. Our own little refuge. You’ve read it here if you’ve followed this story. BUT HIS DREAM SO MUCH BETTER. Enjoying grandchildren. God’s dream of family. What do you want? It was the part of my answer I wouldn’t have given. Not on my radar at all way back then. But He knew. He knew it! God’s dream for me was in every way better.
Generations. Grandkids. An adoption story. A dream with our parents. Pop and Grammy, and it’s their dream, too.
One more story. Another God-dream, several years back. He’d become my Counselor. My Holy Spirit, transforming my thoughts and giving me vision, for a future with DAUGHTERS. The wives of these boys. And once again He used His Dream to rewrite my story. My own thoughts were broken. I’d believed a lie about women, and not being wanted, and I’d told myself this. They’re not going to like you. These daughters-to-be. And that’s when it happened, God’s gentle Spirit, said NO – stop that thinking. I have something better. And He helped me relearn it. He rewrote my dream.
I will sing of the Lord’s great love forever; with my mouth I will make your faithfulness known through all generations. Psalm 89:1
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